There Are Plenty of Fish in The Sea...

[1234567890jim]

i feel extremely depressed about my attempts at getting a girlfriend

to me that is one of the ultimate things that matter to me, i want to be able to have a girlfriend that i can tell that i love, and really, truly mean it,


i remember my first crush that i ever had that set the precedent of how i would act towards girls from then on

in first grade when i was the age of six i had a crush on this girl, and in first grade when everything was girls vs boys and being with a girl was a bad thing if you were a boy, what did i do to show this girl that i had a crush on her?

i didn't push her down or make fun of her

the thing that i remember that i did, was i let her cut in front of me in line so that she could be the last one to go down the slide before everyone had to go inside from recess

and since then all i have ever done to show a girl that i cared about her was try to be nice, i try t tell her good things about herself whether it be looks or personality, i try to make her feel good, and i try to make her happy

i do this because any time a girl that i care about feels happy, it makes me feel happy, and if i am the one who causes her to feel happy, it makes me feel twice as happy as that

all i want is to have a girl that i can make happy, and show that i love her


but as a sophomore in high school i have never had a girlfriend, i have never kissed a girl, and the closest i have ever gotten to be with a girl was a hug, a hug from one of my friends who was a girl, because she felt bad that her boyfriend broke up with her

i wished that this girl would have gone out with me, hell i even told her later when we were talking about how she had broken up with her boyfriend that if she would go out with me, she would never have another relationship problem again

to which she replied with "i know" and that was the end of it


every single time i like a girl and try to show her that i like her we can be happy together, we can laugh together, i can help her and make her feel good, and this makes me feel good

but the one thing that no girl i have ever cared about has ever been able to do with me, is be able to care about me as more than a friend

ever.

i try so goddamned hard whenever i care about a girl to make her happy, and i try to show her that i care about her, and i try to make her feel good, and i try to show that we would be good if we were to go out with eachother

i try so i can find any type of response that she in interested in me, but i never find that

i have never once had a girl show me in any way shape or form that she is interested in me, ever.

i'm not one of those nerdy guys, and i'm not one of those jocky guys, i try to be myself all of the time, and i have alot of friends, and people like me the way i am

but no girl has ever wanted to be more than my friend ever.


i hate the fact that i have never had a girlfriend, and have never been able to get a girlfriend, but all of the time i see so many other guys who are obviously only interested in a girl to serve themselves

guys that don't care about a relationship or the girl, but only care about sex, or just get a girl because they want to say they have one

i realize i might have a pessimistic view on other guys, or i might be flat out wrong about some other guys, but from all of my experiences, i am right in what i say about many of them


and in the end of those types of relationships it always ends with the guy moving on, and the girl feeling horrible after the relationship is over, when if those same girls had given me a chance i would have made them feel the happiest they have ever been in their entire lives


every single time that i care about a girl, and it goes absolutely nowhere for so long to the point where i just give up, or i care about a girl so much and while i am with her trying to show her that she tells me about her new boyfriend, it hurts

it hurts really bad, and every time it has hurt worse and worse

the only thing that i do when that happens is try again, and i keep trying, but it is really getting to the point where i question why i keep trying

sure sometimes i feel bad that maybe i am expecting too much of these girls, or that i am just being selfish, and that i should make them happy just for the sake of making them happy

then i remember how bad it hurt the last time a girl was blatantly obvious towards me that she didn't care about me in the least, except when i was helping her, or i remember how badly it hurt me that they don't care

i am not a saint, and you could call it selfish, but that is the reason that i tell myself that it is ok that i stop being overly nice, or going way out of my way to help a girl that i used to care about, when she doesn't care about me



because i have never had a girlfriend i don't know if i could ever live up to all the things i think i would be able to do in a relationship, and i don't know if i could show my girl that i love her, and i don't know if i could make her feel better than she has ever felt before

but what i do know is that if i ever had the chance i would try

i would try as hard as i could to show her all of those things, and to make her happy

and if i failed, i would try again even harder



i have never gotten a chance to show a girl how i feel, and to make her feel good

and i don't know if i ever will



i wish that i could have a girl who i could tell i love her and really truly mean it, a girl i could make happy, and a girl i could care about, who would care about me back